The other day, I was contemplating on past 4-5 years of my life, thinking about all the bitter-sweet incidents happened, every small details of series of events occurred. Nothing happened according to the plan, most of it or I can safely say that most of the things happened were somehow bothersome, tiring, challenging & completely out of my imagination. At a time like this I need my diary the most, I was about to get my hands on it & suddenly a notification from TOI (Times of India) popped on my mobile screen. What actually grabbed my attention were the words ‘suicide’ & ‘IIT’. Instantly I got an idea of what it could be about and I opened it to find out that I was right. ‘An IIT guy committed suicide leaving behind an 8 pages suicidal note.’ As I started reading the article further, again a story of a student having a baggage of expectations from parents, society or for the matter of the fact form his own self, shattered dreams, started to picture in front of my eyes. “I let my parents down, my grades are not enough for me land up with a good job. I can’t achieve anything further in my life.” These were some of the lines from his suicidal note.
That day passed, another day passed, I had almost forgotten about the incident after jotting it down in my diary the but again I got notified with something similar, “Another suicide in IIT-Shrinking job is a potent stress factor for fresh graduates.” I couldn’t help myself but read it. The moment I finished reading this article I thought this is something that must get out of my diary.
What might be the reasons behind taking such an extreme step? When you should get alert about taking care of your mental health? Sometimes, even we if are absolutely unaware of the fact that anxiety has started taking over the mental peace. What could be those early signs? Everything starts with the thought process, rom whatever river of thoughts flowing in mind. After having tag of war in my mind, I could come up these early signs of anxiety which can lead to depression and cause to take the extreme steps like suicide.
The major cause I could come up with is expectation. More than expectations it would be appropriate to call it over expectations. We all have already set goals for ourselves. The bar of expectations is quite high. I want to get that job by this particular time, I want my own house by this age, I was expecting the higher package etc. And when somehow we are not able to reach the target, anxiety starts rolling in. We start to measure our worth, our value over those things which didn’t go as per our plan. Instead of focusing what we discovered new. Expectation from others is the cause of anxiety but over expectation from own self might be the cause of Self-destruction. When you stop expecting things & start working, you notice that things have started unfolding in all new way & might be better from what you had already expected. When you start talking to people around, you will find out that most of the people are not doing what they actually had planned. They started from somewhere else, they keep discovering new ways in their journey and reached at least somewhere if not exactly on their planned destination. The problem is that we have set our bar of expectations so high that we are not ready to settle for something less which gradually pulls us towards depression and then suicide.
Comparison with others is one of the major cause of depression & anxiety. You are stuck somewhere in life, not getting a way to come out of it and then you see others, your acquaints, colleagues, friends etc. all enjoying, progressing in their life, achieving their goals, earning handsome packages, doing their masters, getting settled in foreign, getting married etc. and boom you started feeling suffocated. How could she get such a high packages? I was doing better than her in college. Or how this fella got those abs, I was more attractive than him. Once you start getting those upsetting thoughts, it’s very difficult to achieve that mental equilibrium again to get back to the routine. Comparisons like these stops you from doing what you were doing actually or planning to do. Because now you are busy comparing your lifestyle with others, whining, crying over something which is not meant to be for you, losing those things which can still be yours if you work for it.
3. Fear of failure
We already have decided that, this is not going to work even before trying, that’s the fear of failure. How can you be so sure that you can’t do it if you haven’t given it a shot? The whole drama is in our head itself. How many times it happened that the scenarios we had in our brains were exactly identical to the practical incidents happened? I guess none or most probably less than 10% times. Why can’t we enjoy uncertainties, why to worry about people laughing or gossiping, why can’t we think that even I fail miserably I learnt something from the experience & whenever I will be in the same situation I will be able to handle it well. Do all those things that scares you, the after experience would be amazing and satisfying. At the end of the day that’s all we want self-satisfaction.
4. Lack of Self-Confidence
If you don’t believe in yourself how do you expect others to believe in you? If you can’t approve yourself, how others will? Having faith in whatever you do is the very first and basic step towards success. What goes inside appears outside. The thought process going on in mind replicates in your behavior by default. So why not create a scenario in your mind in which you are going to feel comfortable and confident. Keep reciting in your mind that, yes, I can do it & I am the best. Don’t get down while having conversation with someone who has achieved more than you. Don’t let that inferiority complex down you. Instead keep revising in your head that, this might not be my time but that change the fact that I can achieve better things in future.
5. Unhealthy Life Style
The life style you are maintaining has a lot of impact on your mental health. Again what is inside reflects outside. To be happy, you need to feel happy, fresh & energetic etc. inside. It’s quite obvious that when anxiety takes over, you don’t feel like doing anything. We spend most of the time in bed, doing nothing, staring at the walls, eating junks and thinking, just thinking. There is no fixed time going to the bed or waking up. Everything running has nothing to do with ticking clock. This kind of unhealthy routine is going to dig a hole of anxiety for sure. Negative thoughts leads to unhealthy lifestyle & unhealthy lifestyle leads to negative thoughts. So to get rid of all those negativity that is taking over your mind first start getting rid of your unhealthy routine first.
As you start observing these signs, it’s the time when you should start taking care of your mental health. I will discuss more about mental wellness and how to achieve it in my upcoming articles. Most of the measures would be from my own experiences. You might also have your own experiences of mental breakdowns and fall outs. Share your stories in comment section below as sharing is a kind of healing.